Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Being Set Free by the Grace of God

  I have grown up with self esteem issues for just about all my life. When I was a teen I thought my only self worth was that of my body, what I had to offer a guy, in my appearance. And that was my downfall. I made more mistakes then I care to count. I gained 60 lbs when I was 17 and pregnant with my daughter. I had lost all of my friends because I chose my daughter over partying and so I didn't do much besides sit on my tushie in the air conditioned comfort of a recliner watching T.V.
   After I had my daughter, I felt my body was ruined. I of course never got back down to 120 lbs. I had stretch marks on ever limb of my body, from my breasts to my legs and I am talking all the way from my thighs to the backs of my knees-gross huh. My husband and I got married and he has been working on me ever since. I had heard several times to give it to God. How do I do that? I want to give it to God. I mean what woman wants to look at herself in the mirror with disgust! It affected my happiness, my husbands happiness and my marriage. I fought with dieting and exercising. I fluctuated in my weight and my appearance. I rarely found cloths that made me feel good. I think that's why I love being pregnant, its the only time I truly feel beautiful.
  I recently went through a Bible Study that had me taking large strides to letting go of all of my self esteem issues (by the way that was not what I thought the Bible Study would do for me, God is just like that) I gt my haircut, colored after 10 years of going natural. I started going to curves. Wouldn't ya know Satan decided to fight for me. He decided he was not ready to let go a gripped even harder. What did I do, I got obsessive loosing weight to the point of my 6 year old daughter jumping up and down at dinner and when asked, she said I need to loose weight I'm to fat (by the way she is a slim in pant size) I got obsessive about cutting the red out of my hair to the point of taking clippers with a 1 inch guard to my head. When I was through I looked at myself in the mirror and said Dear God what did I do! At that point I realized it was time to start letting go, no matter how hard. I mean I was damaging my daughters thoughts and with six girls I can't do that, and I was damaging myself.
  I was doing laundry one day when I thought I would start wearing skirts. Now this is not like me. Granted I have dresses and skirts and like to wear them on occasion but as an every day thing, not my cup of tea. But I once again threw all of myself into this new plan for me and my girls.
Now a few things you should know before I go on,
one: I do not see women heavier than me as fat, why I have issues with myself is more personal and I do not feel that a woman's weight makes her pretty or not pretty.
two: I do not look at wearing skirts as a way to make a woman more holy or better than the next. However my lovely husband thinks it is taking women back to prehistoric days if they always wear skirts and never put on pants, he doesn't care either way what I do but that's how he feels.
three: I do not hate myself and I am no depressed on an every day level, I am proud of where I am at in life and proud of the woman I have become.
I was in the kitchen staying busy with something when suddenly I felt a release. I have been questioning why I would be released from such a strong feeling so quickly, after all its only been two or three months of trying to convert me and six girls to all skirts. I have been very hesitant in my wearing pants again, out of fear I am hearing the wrong person telling me it's ok. I have talked to other women and I have prayed alot. The fact of the matter is  is I feel frumpy in most of my skirts, not all of them. I like wearing my new black jean skirt from The Skirt Site and a couple of others. But I have noticed that I am not so concerned with my appearance since putting on a skirt. I think that God put it on me to wear skirts to help me with my self image problems, without my knowing it.
  The moral of this story, well I am not exactly sure. I know that when dealing with something that hurts you, you cannot do it yourself. You need to give it to God, no matter how hard. You also need to be submissive to His voice, it will be rewarding to you and pleasing to Him. My husband has always been wonderful about paying me compliments and making me feel good and completely supportive. This is something that I need to work on with God and for now I had to share my story because I am very pleased with the Lord and how far I have come with His help just in the past few months. I know that this is not an over night cure and I know that this is something I will have to take up my cross on this one on a daily basis, but I now know that I can do, because I AM doing it!

Thank you God, may you help all women realize that we are made in Your image therefore we are all beautiful, no matter size nor color! Please continue to help me in my efforts of letting go.
        Amen


19 comments:

  1. Thanks for popping over to our weekly book blog hop, now following you via new linky followers, hoping you can follow us back over at http://www.beckvalleybooks.blogspot.com xx

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  2. Great post! I have enjoyed reading and checking in:) Finally Friday Hop is open! Hope you will stop by!
    Loressa
    http://lifescuriouswisdom.blogspot.com

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  3. I applaud you for always writing such in-depth and revealing posts. I just back-tracked to a few I missed, including the Evolution of Me series, and I am just in awe at your honesty and love of God. I know you will do whatever you are meant to be doing, and in listening to His voice, He will lead you the right way. Sometimes it's hard to tell who is really giving the advice- is it God, your ego, or darker forces? I have found the best thing to do is pray and keep the mind very quiet and still without expecting to hear any particular answer back; and, sometimes it takes a while before I get an answer, but I always do...eventually!

    Thanks again for the award, I am passing one on to you now: http://jessica-healthymommyhealthybaby.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-won-some-awards.html

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    1. wow you are very humbling. I am sometimes afraid either no one will want to read my stuff, or else they will think I have problems, tee heehee. I so appreciate your comment. You are right, I need to be patient and wait for His reply. Thank you so much Jessica.

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    2. Jessica, I tried to copy and paste the link, I couldn't get anything to come up
      :-(

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    3. You're very welcome :)

      It's the first post on my blog, but here try again: http://jessica-healthymommyhealthybaby.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-won-some-awards.html

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    4. yes it worked and YAY thank you so so very much! you are to kind! I feel very honored. Thank you!

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  4. What a lovely post. Thank you for your honesty. I am sure many of us have been at a similar place regarding our self-esteem/body image and hide it. That's me! Until recently I probably never would have considered blogging about it, but due to a desire for change and reading your post maybe I'll be brave enough...one day. ;-)

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    1. your welcome. If I am anything it's honest. I would much rather have people take me for who I am. I have also been realizing it's a great release to write things, just get them out. It helps me think and helps me feel better. :-) I will keep a lookout for the post.

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  5. Following you now from the FNF Hop! Excited to learn from your mom-of-7 wisdom :) would love if you'd follow back!:
    http://bakesewrite.blogspot.com

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  6. I hopped over to your hop and linked up. Make sure you put your link in also as the host. One way to get the word out about your hop is through the Mom Bloggers Club, Blogaholics, etc. I also didn't see a place to leave a comment on the hop page.

    Katie - Saving and Sharing It
    http://www.savingandsharingit.blogspot.com

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  7. you are a very beautiful person inside and out, giving it to God is hard but always remember He is there with you every step of the way, you will never go through it alone. Tiffany I am so very proud of you and I have learned from you. Thanking God every day for being such a Blessing

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    1. You are to sweet mother, but don't you have to say that ;-) You are the beautiful one. Everything that is good from me I have saw in you and then some. You are such a wonderful person and I am so thankful that you are my mother and my friend! I love you.

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  8. I am a new follower of your blog from the blog hop and I look forward to reading more and getting to know you. This may sound strange but I really think we could connect on a more personal level :-) How old are your kiddos? They are sure super cute!
    I'd love to start wearing more skirts but for some reason I just never do. I never thought about them making me feel MORE comfortable in my own skin but I guess if they are longer they probably would because it hides you a little more ;-) I also feel the best pregnant... isn't that such a weird thing? Anyway, sorry for rambling so much!!

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    1. your not rambling :-) I have a 13, 12, 11, 9, 6, 2 and 10.5 month old , heading to your blog now :-)

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  9. Hi from your newest follower. Funny because I was reading the comments and I also feel my best pregnant. I felt so beautiful with my big belly and loved every minute of the way my body looked and I never can understand women who feel ugly when pregnant. I think it is so hard to turn our struggled over to God, whatever it may be that we are struggling over. I know especially for me, because I am a very controlling over-achieving person it is hard for me to just "turn over" my worries to Him, even though I know I should. It is soomething I am slowly learning.

    -Pamela, InspiredByFelicity.blogspot.com

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    1. When I first started to write this post, I thought, yet again I was being to personal for the whole world to read, but after all isn't that what blogging is supposed to be, honesty and reality. As a midwife and a woman, I so love hearing that all of you love the way you look while being pregnant! I never personaly understood when women didn't feel beautiful while pregnant, there is nothing more beautiful if you as me. And I to am just learning. It either came without my realizing it or else I just couldn't let go. STep by step.

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  10. What a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles. So many women deal with issues like this, and it takes bravery to admit it and share it with the world. Whenever I start feeling bad about myself, I look at my beautiful children and remind myself that God sees me in the same light that I see my children, but even more so! I see my children and think... "beautiful...they're just...beautiful, and perfect just the way they are." I know God feels the same way about me. I would never want my children to look at themselves and think there was something horribly wrong or that they were unattractive because of some perceived flaw. And that reminds me that God doesn't want me doing that to myself either.

    Thank you again for sharing your struggles. I think you'll find that a lot of women feel the same way you do. It will be a glorious day when, as women, we can finally feel comfortable in our own skin!

    God bless, and enjoy the rest of your weekend!
    Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood

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    1. Jenn, I can not thank you enough. You all truely have brought tears to my eyes, yes I cry easy :-) You have such an awsome way of looking at things. I have never thought about it in this way. My children are beautiful ;-) and your right I don't ever want them to feel that way either. Thank you Jenn for such wonderful insight.God Bless you

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